Every apartment or house I’ve been to in Córdoba has a bidet.
As an American you might not even be familiar with what these things are. Essentially, it’s a toilet shaped sink located right next to the actual toilet that has the marvelous ability to squirt a jet of warm water upwards, cleansing anything that sits upon it’s magical throne.
With zero bidet experience in my life I was a little hesitant to jump on board. For the first 6 months of my bathroom experiences here in Argentina, my bidet remained idle. Then, realizing that real growth only happens outside of your comfort zone, I decided it was time to start living a bidet-filled life.
What is the etiquette with these things?
After a solid #2, I clean matters with the papel higiénico. This much I understand. This much I’m comfortable with. I’ve been very successful taking it to this step but no further.
But one adventurous day I knew it was time to move forward.
With pants at my ankles, I did a squatted sideways crow hop move to position myself on the bidet. I turn the faucet to release the upwards flow of water. As a rookie bidet-er I had not positioned myself directly over the spigot and my left ass check received a blast of warm water.
By the time I reposition myself to hit the bullseye, the water had heated up to uncomfortable level. It’s all fun and games until someone ends up with a scorched bullseye. I turn on the cold faucet to balance the temperature and enjoy a few moments of partial enema filled bliss.
I turn off both faucets and contemplate a few moments over what just happened. I don’t want to leave matter soaking wet so I repeat my pants down sideways shimmy to get back to the toilet. It’s this transition between the toilet and the bidet that I just don’t quite understand yet. I guess I’ll have to ask around to understand everyone’s bidet strategies.
Hopefully it’s not a question similar to – “How you much you make?” or “Who did you vote for?” in the US where people get a little tight lipped with their responses. I can just imagine, oooh noooo the Yankee just asked about my personal bidet style.
Do you use the bidet? Please share.