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Expat Argentina Life

The Mystery of the Bidet

Every apartment or house I’ve been to in C贸rdoba has a bidet.

As an American you might not even be familiar with what these things are. Essentially, it’s a toilet shaped sink located right next to the actual toilet that has the marvelous ability to squirt a jet of warm water upwards, cleansing anything that sits upon it’s magical throne.

With zero bidet experience in my life I was a little hesitant to jump on board. For the first 6 months of my bathroom experiences here in Argentina, my bidet remained idle. Then, realizing that real growth only happens outside of your comfort zone, I decided it was time to start living a bidet-filled life.

What is the etiquette with these things?

Every apartment or house I’ve been to in C贸rdoba has a bidet.

As an American you might not even be familiar with what these things are. Essentially, it’s a toilet shaped sink located right next to the actual toilet that has the marvelous ability to squirt a jet of warm water upwards, cleansing anything that sits upon it’s magical throne.

With zero bidet experience in my life I was a little hesitant to jump on board. For the first 6 months of my bathroom experiences here in Argentina, my bidet remained idle. Then, realizing that real growth only happens outside of your comfort zone, I decided it was time to start living a bidet-filled life.

What is the etiquette with these things?

After a solid #2, I clean matters with the papel higi茅nico. This much I understand. This much I’m comfortable with. I’ve been very successful taking it to this step but no further.

But one adventurous day I knew it was time to move forward.

With pants at my ankles, I did a squatted sideways crow hop move to position myself on the bidet. I turn the faucet to release the upwards flow of water. As a rookie bidet-er I had not positioned myself directly over the spigot and my left ass check received a blast of warm water.

By the time I reposition myself to hit the bullseye, the water had heated up to uncomfortable level. It’s all fun and games until someone ends up with a scorched bullseye. I turn on the cold faucet to balance the temperature and enjoy a few moments of partial enema filled bliss.

I turn off both faucets and contemplate a few moments over what just happened. I don’t want to leave matter soaking wet so I repeat my pants down sideways shimmy to get back to the toilet. It’s this transition between the toilet and the bidet that I just don’t quite understand yet. I guess I’ll have to ask around to understand everyone’s bidet strategies.

Hopefully it’s not a question similar to – “How you much you make?” or “Who did you vote for?” in the US where people get a little tight lipped with their responses. I can just imagine, oooh noooo the Yankee just asked about my personal bidet style.

Do you use the bidet? Please share.

4 replies on “The Mystery of the Bidet”

I’m in week 4 in Argentina on a journey around South America with my wife and I have the SAME questions. I’ve trepidaciously used the bidet, which I generally found to be a positive experience, however, what is the drying procedure afterwards? Just toilet paper? Drip dry? There has to be more information on this!

Apparently some people have a towel specific devoted to drying the rear after a bidet. A butt towel if you will. Doesn’t seem hygienic to me.

I just use the bidet and then dry with a towel. I use it faucet-front. You might want to take your pants off for that. People also use it faucet-behind, mostly, but I find it annoying. No toile paper, though, just bidet.

Reason is because of the the amount of red meat that is eaten in argentina would be my guess. I remember in argentina my shit was very mushy and i needed to shower everytime or use one of these things. Wheres in other countries with more balanced diets my shit was perfect But yes while staying in argentina i used it. I guess you can say its possible in other countries to not use it but in argentina the diet of eating meat everyday is a must!

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